► F R E S H ◄

its time to came back to my real life...

well..

yesterday night... he had told me bout what the memory he had..

a very very nice memory since he born to this world..

everyday i look at him..

i wondering... why did everyone will just tried to gave him support but not to hurt him...

yeah, he look fatty, chubby and a little bit handsome..

since im fatty, chubby before... i know that fatty might not really accepted by everyone...

but he did it...

that is something like mission impossible... hahaha... (it's really impossible for some fatties)

erm...

he tried to bring me off with the sucks piggy girl problem..

actually... he know what i'm thinking fully..

and he was trying to explained...

all was gone back to their first meet that i haven't appear in his life...

sigh....

there is a kind of jealous..

huh... i should asked myself...

did i still continued this sucks thought to the girl? childish! really childish...

wtf i'm doing with this damn childish thought!!!!!!

really really really felt like suiciding...

fuck off...

ok... im felt good now... should say sorry to the girl...

and my mind, my brain and my thought are dead in this moment...

i had my new life after this...

i will start up with my fresh mind, soft brain and rasional thought!

i love myself so much!

indeed, i love u so much too my dear...

► E V I L ◄

there was something happened to my mind..

recently, i get a serious disease..

hard to found the causes, hard to recover...

no matter how i do... my mind still the same..

i stay closely with an evil rather than an angel..

did u know why? i also don't know...

how can a human really hate another human at the moment that they are friends?

they are no ways to recover those seriously disease..

indeed, there is an evil in the human being..

well...

look up to the parents...

who else won't love their parents instead that friends?

yeah, i am...

recently, i became more selfish... more hate the world...

am i return become childish once more?

really hard to explain with my own words..

evil mind told me...

friends can me closer but soemtimes not...

family have to be closed, but actually not...

I am closed to be myself... but.... no but...

ya... that is the real sentence which can reflect from our life..

everyone can even live without family, friends and lovers but not themselves...

so... how well that we could be with our own abilities?

don't know..

in this moment, my mind, my brain and my heart keep on hurting by the evil...

the evil did not do anythings, but... there is a miracle ability from evil...

they makes everyone have even ONE second of bad mind...

that is enoguh for every human in a whole life..

sigh...

really painful with the evil mind..

gonna run out from that...

please... leave me alone, evil..

i need my families, my friends , my loves and myself...

i really DON'T NEED a mind like this!

damn it...

p/s: at this moment, i still can't put it down.. indeed the pig face she had... im damn hate...

why could a person had the confidence with that pig face? useless me? fuxx off...

r o s e F r i d a y

Today faced 2 subjects exam...

This 2 subjects are important for me...

indeed, if i still get a lower grade on these subjects, i'm sure i could cry all the days...

Don't know what happened to me in this semester..

Gets more bad oni concentration and concern on those studies...

Maybe i started intends to have a job outside...

Maybe this semester lecturers are not better as last 2 semester...

Well, this semester made me felt dissaopinted as no more hope for my future life..

the subjects which i most confident had made me moody...

i means that i can even lost min 25 marks in either one subject that i confident..

i had not done this type of "career" before...

What am i studying?

What am i doing actually?

i look back to my notes, i look into the paper..

ya, there was a definitely same question as the tips lecturer gave..

But, i too confidence until i cant believe that there is a definitely truth answer..

haiz...

luckily, today was the last day of the exam..

i done all the paper, not well!

but in the last paper i get, i pull myself into the formulae...

i started my mind freshing..

yeah, i need to be study like that..

not depends on what those tips given..

ok... i done almost well... but not so sufficient..

And Now! I'm free!!! hahaha... Free from study Free from all those stupid problems...

Erm... STill have an important things to remind myself..

TODAY 2205 is Ms.Xian Birthday...

Really wish her Happy Birthday..

and Happy everyday...

i knew that she was bit sensitive to somethings around her..

but she still choose to faced..

"Brave" is the word that i can gifted u...

Happy Birthday once more... ^^

1s t W o r k i n g D a y

Finally, he choose to change off the sucks work...

From the first day he choose to go in that sucks job, i had give him some opposition advice...

But he cant even heard from me, but go on with his friends..

Fortunately, he know that, he needs money more than somethings like fun with friends..

Well, i know his mind was rasionally...

But at some moment...

He is not..

Return to today point~

Yeah~ he get a new job..

with a new look...

and fresh mind..

hahaha...

look at that kind of handsome face, i guess that he will learn something from this job...

which he din faced before..

As this job had oni given a damn low constant salary for the first three months...

i realised that i have to be hardworking more on my study...

and started to find a part time job..

promoter might not be suit, coz need to match to my class period..

however, i had thinking to be a tuition teacher as well..

But...

Cheras tuition included Chinese , Malays, and Indians also..

i scared that i couldn't handle...

Any comment for my thought?

Really need to take in time... ><

Gambatte to us... ^^

n o r m a l 0 5 1 6

huh... yeah... i'm get into a serious part of stress..

can't even think that i will be ok...

just continuing with a more serious react from mum..

such a bad things happened since i argue with her for "freedom"...

i agreed that i'm still a childish and non-minded girl..

why can i done somethings that i thought it is childish and useless before...

ya, ya...

i'm definitely STUPID...

Well...

every family had their own problem to be solved...

positively solved will get the truth of the heart...

negatively solved will get a damnly..... zzz... (i did not know how can i continue it)

mayb it might happened somethings that are same with mine situation now..

since i got no close friends..

all the stress i need to "digest" with my own emotion..

and basically don't want to become a "magazine TOP MODEL"...

i really choose to silent without hesitates...

shhh... everytime i in bad moods...

turn all the things down...

included ur mouth...

有点难过的5月15日...

好, 很好, 非常好...

总是要在心情有些低落时才会想起要记载这回事...

一直以来都觉得"压力"跟我是绝缘体...

没有办法来电, 也没有办法扯上关系...

可是自从那一次以后...

我的压力, 背负着的也就越来越沉重...

不单只是要考虑到自己...

也还要考虑到好多人..

这就是为什么大人常常说: "等你大了就会明白."

很多东西不是你无言以对就等于没事...

很多东西,用说的永远都说不清...

或许是人变了...

或许是想法变了...

又或许全世界都在变..

有人永远觉得你不对, 觉得你思维不够成熟...

不是怎么了..

而是人总是需要经过一次叛逆...

人总是会想要脱离一次"百日如一"的日子...

只是看自己敢不敢实现...

孩子再玩得怎么累, 最后还是会乖乖回家...

因为无论如何家才是一个安心的地方...

对不起, 亲爱的..

原谅我给你施加了压力..

抱歉了...

得不偿失

什么叫做"嫉妒"? 什么叫做"羡慕"? 

我不是不明白, 只是人的欲望... 让我没办法停止..

我明白为什么当初他们那么迷于"灯火香熏"...

更是明白为什么他们愿意用那么单纯的想法得到一些"根本没办法得到的东西"...

我一直很努力告诉自己...

家人没有错... 大家都错在想法的差异..

你们知道吗?

当家人告诉你:好好替我工作, 让你过过稳定的生活吧...

那是多么亲切的话...

但是现实生活... 没有人能一辈子过一样平淡的生活..

生活要有起伏才会显得精彩..

生活要有失落才会有成就感...

小孩要跌过才懂得坚强...

恋人要失恋才会懂得珍惜...

有得就有失... 

失去机会,不代表永远没有机会...

希望你们明白...

我要学的不只是平凡就好...

而是还有失败...

03 05 09.. Sunday.. ^^

没什么特别...

早上起来也就已经11点...

他也忙着梳洗,去做工...

然后,脑海不断浮现一个问题...

我们的将来到底是什么一个样?

虽然我知道"风水是会轮流转", 人不可能永远幸福...

但是, 还是会有些许的不安..

那种不安从哪儿来?

呵呵...

就是现在...

说什么要换工作...

其实也是一种冒险, 但是... 要是他还不换工作,那肯定就是一条死路...

什么事都有办法对自己解释, 但是这一次却连从哪里开始分析都不知道..

有人会说顺其自然就好...

对...

到下午, 就到大姨家去做"八妹"..

到现在我才知道啊...

我还有一个思想那么成熟的表姐...

她经历的事已经有我们两倍以上...

除了有时看见她偷懒以外, 就是她那很棒的待人处事方法...

也有可能, 她完全没办法有那种恋爱的幻想, 那种天真...

所以被迫成为成熟的一族...

很好...

至少我知道他们家里还有一个明事理的人...

之后...

回家看看貹貹...

他啊,可是越大越可爱... ^^

忘了忘了...

今天看见一个很棒的漂移技术....

帅呆了...

分享下~

成熟?

期待... 

期待今天又以一副不一样的脸,出现在大家眼前...

劳动节呢...

五月一日...

他没有休假也就家常便饭了...

但是怎么还是很多人需要做工啊?

老板们都该检讨了...

下午去了旧家... 文良港... 

好一段时间没回去见姑婆...

一见到她就有一种疼惜的感觉...

她是婆婆公公的结合体...

有公公的样貌,有婆婆的善良, 慈祥...

你们知道吗? 人老了,机器真的都会"蠢"掉...

姑婆看似又老了一圈...

憔悴是不会... 但是就是会有时"答非所问"(耳)

反倒是80岁的老姑丈... 他患糖尿病, 不可以走太多,又容易累...

不得不承认, 老了就会没办法做很多事情...

看见他们就像看见未来的我们...

有多少人会恩爱到这把年纪?

有多少人能仍然那么疼惜对方? 只因为他们真的"痛苦"过, 而懂得珍惜这段不是人人都能有的幸福...

晚上就到珍宝酒楼吃饭... 大姨丈生日...

他也是个曾经"很坏"的男人, 老是跟老婆作对..

直到那一次, 他知道自己得了癌症...

虽然在我眼里,一向都觉得这两夫妻很活该...

因为老婆爱计较, 老公爱作对...

但是到头来.... 他们还是在乎着,珍惜着...

我开始懂得该怎么尊敬他们...

打扮美美的,想说大家都会愉快... 因为眼前没有不堪入目的"女人"...

可是...

却换来一句...

"你结婚了吗?"

"才十九哦?看起来很成熟嘛.."

我的天啊... 我该开心还是难过啊?

其实我心里在想:"安蒂,现在的女孩向往成熟路线,没有人会觉得可爱是有美感的了.况且我生做一副成熟的样子... 还装可爱,很欠扁的... @@"

我不知道这种自我安慰的方式对不对...

我只知道... 

我要的还有更多...

需要改进的还有更多...

送给大姨丈夫: 生日快乐,健康幸福... 珍惜身边拥有的一切...

^^

舅舅与貹貹.. 同样是光头.. 一个是剃光的,一个是脱光的.. 哇哈哈...

大嫂与貹貹... 大嫂还是很漂亮的... 虽然发了福..

有很成熟吗?? @@

姑婆家里的某个角落...

早上妈妈给貹貹洗澡.. 遮"点"了...